"People are always going to give you an excuse and limitations. But you cant let someone else's close mind, close your doors." - Will.I.Am
You guys. I've never really done a dedicated post to a feature, but this is Vogue Italia. I don't think anyone realizes how huge this is for me. Since I started fashion blogging 3 years ago, I was always like "when I hit some kind of Vogue, then i'll feel like I accomplished something, but in fashion, I'm not shit until that happens." Something people don't realize is that I'm my biggest critic. In my teenage years, I wasted a lot of time. I hung out with the wrong people, getting into unnecessary trouble, so I threw myself into fashion and it really changed my life and the path it was leading. It was something I was actually good at, enjoyed, and kept me busy instead of wasting away my days with people who were not progressing. I have such a crazy strong work ethic because I'm trying to make up for time lost, time where I could have been working on whatever talent I had but was too caught up to recognize.
My blog has been featured in a number of publications, I've modeled for huge brands, but Vogue Italia really hits home. I see myself in magazines and am sort of like "oh, that's nice." Most people would die to be in magazines but for me, I was always very numb to it. Probably because to be a model isn't my goal. To be well known isn't my intentions. What I want is my own fashion line, create things that have never been made before. It always has been my number one dream and people who have been following me from the start know that. Now, I believe it's to the point where I want to be acknowledged for my creativity. It's like, I'm putting in all this work overtime but the end results are magazines and publications instead of product designed by me.
I sit at home a lot, I barely leave. It's rare for me to go out because when I'm out I just sit there and beat myself up mentally, like...I'm wasting time, I could be home emailing companies, I could be styling outfits, I could be taking blog pictures. My personal life, there really isn't one. I'm okay with that. My mind is hard to explain, there are so many sides to me but it's sort of like reaching for something with no end result. When I get my own fashion line, I probably still won't feel accomplished. I always want more for myself, which in my head, isn't a bad thing. This really feels like a milestone in my career. Feels like I'm actually accomplishing something for once. I really just want to say thank you to everyone who follows my blog, tumblr, twitter, instagram and is thanking me constantly for helping them help themselves. I probably would have given up a long time ago and not dealt with all the scrutiny. I swear as soon as I was featured, I called my mom, and then I ran to my social media accounts to share with you guys. I feel like it's an accomplishment for not only myself, but all of you who I feel are my team. You guys are fam. Also, I will be dancing around my house dressed up like Madonna with my fake blonde hair singing her Vogue song. It's only right.